Expressing Myself
We were sitting in a diner at the breakfast table and nearly done eating, but not quite, when she got up from the table and announced that she was going to the bridge on the north end of town to look at the rats with a lady she had met.
I waited for a minute expecting her to ask me to come along, or at least if it was okay to go, leaving Noa with me. She did neither. I was shocked into silence. Then she got up and left. I paid the bill and hurried after her. I spotted her outside on the patio from a distance and called out to her, “Stop! Wait a second!” before she left.
She looked perturbed when she looked back at me, but I had to say what was on my mind. I could not let the moment pass or it would be gone forever.
“Look, I have to tell you how I’m feeling about you going off like this,” I said. “I feel very hurt that you do not discuss with me the things you want to do. You tell me what you are going to do without any consideration for me or for Noa. In a relationship, it is important to always think of the other person as well as yourself. You are not showing me the respect I deserve as your husband when you do not consider how your actions will affect Noa or me.
Ultimately, what you are doing is cutting the tie between us. You are in essence saying you don’t care about us or what I think. If that’s how you feel, or what you want, you will cause a rift in our relationship that we may or may not be able to weather.
She stubbornly disagreed.
I also told her that if one person feels disrespected, ignored, or unimportant in a relationship that serious problems would eventually develop. She got angry and after a few more words left anyway.
I was in a quandary. My first thought was that I should go back to my room, pack my bags and take the next flight back to the US. I would leave her a note saying I’d gone home with Noa. I figured I might as well since I wasn’t doing her any good there; and it didn’t appear that she cared one way or another anyway.
But would that be too much of a punishment to her? I love her so much; but she has to learn, doesn’t she? It could backfire. Then what. I know that if she doesn’t learn and understand, our marriage will eventually fall apart. Reluctantly, I trudged back to our hotel room and started packing.
I waited for a minute expecting her to ask me to come along, or at least if it was okay to go, leaving Noa with me. She did neither. I was shocked into silence. Then she got up and left. I paid the bill and hurried after her. I spotted her outside on the patio from a distance and called out to her, “Stop! Wait a second!” before she left.
She looked perturbed when she looked back at me, but I had to say what was on my mind. I could not let the moment pass or it would be gone forever.
“Look, I have to tell you how I’m feeling about you going off like this,” I said. “I feel very hurt that you do not discuss with me the things you want to do. You tell me what you are going to do without any consideration for me or for Noa. In a relationship, it is important to always think of the other person as well as yourself. You are not showing me the respect I deserve as your husband when you do not consider how your actions will affect Noa or me.
Ultimately, what you are doing is cutting the tie between us. You are in essence saying you don’t care about us or what I think. If that’s how you feel, or what you want, you will cause a rift in our relationship that we may or may not be able to weather.
She stubbornly disagreed.
I also told her that if one person feels disrespected, ignored, or unimportant in a relationship that serious problems would eventually develop. She got angry and after a few more words left anyway.
I was in a quandary. My first thought was that I should go back to my room, pack my bags and take the next flight back to the US. I would leave her a note saying I’d gone home with Noa. I figured I might as well since I wasn’t doing her any good there; and it didn’t appear that she cared one way or another anyway.
But would that be too much of a punishment to her? I love her so much; but she has to learn, doesn’t she? It could backfire. Then what. I know that if she doesn’t learn and understand, our marriage will eventually fall apart. Reluctantly, I trudged back to our hotel room and started packing.
posted by elkdreamer at 10:38 PM
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